DanielYKL

When I was in the hospital right after my laryngectomy surgery (I had cancer of the throat), a good friend, Teh suggested that I should start a blog as a mean of communication since I am not able to talk due to the surgery.  He said he will set up the blog for me and asked me to suggest a name for blog. The first name that came to my mind was DYKL but then the name has been taken. So I settled for DanielYKL,  it sounds pretty cool anyway. So with that  www.danielykl.com was born.

I have no idea how and what blogging is all about. I don’t even know how to post up my articles. So for the first couple of weeks I have to depend on my friend to do the posting. He was very patient with me, taught step by step on how to blog and manage my blog. I was never a computer savvy. I just know how to do the simple stuff on my notebook but of the blog I have to force myself to learn and experience through trials and errors about blogging. Now after 14 months I think I am getting the feel of it.

I started writing about myself and about the progress of the post-surgery. And I have plenty of time to do that, as I spent about a month at home recovering from that 10-hour surgery.Then I realized that after a while, people or friends are not interested to read about you. They get tired reading the same old thing about how I have recovered and my progressed. And not only that, I ran out of topics to write, hehe!!! Read the rest of this entry »

Here are more photos of proof on my earlier posting on Disabled/OKU Parking Lots Invaded! This time I was at Carrefour Seberang Prai (Butterworth) around 8.30pm last night. When I got there the parking lots were full. I have to drive around the car parking lots twice to look for a parking spot. I saw a total of 8 Disabled Parking Lots with huge and bright clear signs that read: “Reserved For The Under Privilege Patrons Only!” - in malay, english and chinese languages. That really looks and sounds great! But the problem again here is that, all the cars that were parked there were not ‘the under privilege patrons.’ All the cars did not display the Disabled car’s stickers.  So I can safely presumed that the cars did not belong to ‘the under privilege patrons.’ . I waited at the side for a parking space, then I saw this guy (definitely not the under privilege patron), pulled out from the disabled parking lot. So I pulled in, parked there and took some pictures to validate with what I wrote in my previous article. And I am sure if I go around every establishments the situation will be the same.  See photos below.

The two cars parked here are without the disabled car stickers

Notice the huge, bright signs above. Too bad it does not serve its purpose

I have been wanting to write about this for a long time and keep holding back. Now I cannot “tahan lah,” so have to say something.

I don’t know whether you noticed this or not. Maybe you have not, because I guess all of you if not 99 percent of you are considered ‘normal abled body,’ if that could be the term. And of course this thing is in material or does not concern you. I’m talking about the Disabled/OKU Parking Lot! Tom, Dick and Harry - Ahmad, Ah Seng and Muthu just parked there like nobody’s business!

Men are so good in implementing ‘rules and regulations.’ But when come to enforcing them – that’s another matter altogether. Now I know the law requires that every building, shopping mall, public places must have parking lots for the Disabled or OKU (Orang Kurang Upaya). So to fulfill the requirements they just set aside usually two lots for them just to comply to the requirements set by local councils. Of course I must admit that I have seen some places with more than two lots  – good for them though! But if you go to most shopping malls you will find that cars are parked on these lots. (Look at photo below). People just don’t respect or bother to observe that the lots are meant for the Disabled/OKU! Please your cooperation is appreciated. Even if there were no cars parked there – you will find shopping trolleys parked there. And when the Disabled wants to park his car, he has to come down and removed the trolley by himself. I also noticed that the guards don’t bother to tell the car’s owner not to park there. I really wonder do they know that those lots are for the Disabled ONLY!

This is a call to all the establishments concern: Please enforce the rules. Don’t just fulfill the requirements and then close one eye and don’t bother who parked there. This is just as good as not having the Disabled Parking Lots. I am not making a sweeping statement here. I know some establishments do uphold the rules. PLEASE RESPECT THE DISABLED! We don’t chose to be what we are but the fact is that we have accepted it. You just do your part! We are still God’s creation just like anybody else.

WEll ok, I am an OKU but in a different sense from what you understand OKU to be. I lost my ability to talk due to my surgery from cancer. My larynx (voice box) has been removed. Now even though I have a Disabled Car Sticker I don’t use or park my car on the Disabled Parking lot. Why? Because I still have an ‘able body.’ I can still walk or do things like you guys - just that I can’t talk.  Actually I can park my car at the lots as I am also considered an OKU but I don’t use that right. Anyway for the sake for proving my point, I removed the shopping trolley from the lot and parked my car there – so that I can take some photos as proof.  These pictures were taken at Tesco Penang.

  This car just don’t bother whether the lot is for the Disabled only. And the guard don’t bother either!

  If you notice, trolleys are collected and parked near the disabled parking lot. Now also notice that the Macdonald’s delivery bikes are parked next to the the lot. Look how close the bikes are. This bike’s lots are approved by the manangement. And if you notice I have to move my car away from the bikes because when they want to move the bikes out they will scratch my car - so I parked as far away from them as possible. In fact when I was there, one of the bikes wanted to come out and the delivery boy asked me to move my car a bit so he can move out! So what if a disabled was to park his or her car there and go shopping how are the bikes going to move out? How are the bikes going to come out?

Get the picture?

February 12, 2007 – that’s the day I had my laryngectomy surgery. I was wheeled from my bed to the surgery room at around 10am. And the next thing I know was that the doctors and nurses were inserting needles all over my body, from my ankles to my neck. At this moment I felt a bit drowsy must be due to the medication that I took earlier but still mindful of what’s happening. I remember there were at least two or three anaesthetists attending to me and a couple of nurses. They were deciding where they should insert the needles. And apart from all that, a lot of wires were stuck to body, I can’t recall where. Then I was wheeled into the proper surgical theater. There were at least four to five doctors waiting there. Then they transferred me on to the surgical bed and the nurses and doctors were crowding around me, and at this point I could not think of anything. This is it!  “Father, into thy hands I commend my body, spirit and soul”

Prior to the surgery, I can still think about how the surgery is going to be – whether will it be successful or not and will I make it through the surgery and what will happened to me even if the surgery is successful. Many other things run through my mind. After all this is a major surgery. It was a difficult decision to make.

Now back to the surgical room: Then I heard the doctors talking to each other and deciding what to do and how to do the surgery. Then this young surgeon, who is going to perform the tracheostomy, which is a surgical procedure on the neck to open a direct airway through an incision in the trachea (the windpipe), decided to start the procedure and was coordinating with the anaesthetist on how is she going to insert a tube through the stoma so that I can breathe. He then shaved some of the hair around my neck and marked the area where they are going to do the incision for the laryngectomy surgery. Then the last thing I remember was the anaesthetist telling me that she is going to put me to sleep and she is going to count to ten and I’ll be asleep. I only remember her counting to two and the next thing I know is that I woke up in the recovery room 10 hours later with a nurse calling my name. Yes the surgery took 10 hours! And that was exactly 1 year ago today! 12th of February is Daniel’s Day – haha!!! Read the rest of this entry »

I watched this movie about  this lady, a radio talk show presenter, who was about to marry to a good looking surgeon. As they were preparing for the wedding, something tragic happened to them. They were viciously beaten by some gangsters for no reason, and she was badly wounded and the fiancé was killed. After her recovery, she bought a gun, seeking revenge on the people who killed her fiancé. In the process, she killed a robber, two black guys in the subway, a pimp and a mobster. She then met a detective who was assigned to those cases and they became friends not knowing that she did it. Later on he remembered that she was the lady who was badly bashed up by the gangsters and that his fiancé was killed, he asked her how did she managed to cope with what had happened to her. She simply said, “I changed into another person.”  And the story goes on to show how she managed to track down the murderers.

I was thinking to myself about what she said; “I changed into another person.”

Sometimes as we go through life - situations, circumstances and people, make us changed. We changed so we can learn from our experienced. We changed to adapt to our new environment. We changed to protect ourselves. We changed so that we could live a better life. We changed to better ourselves. We can never go through life and pretend that our hurts, adversities and ordeals had never happened. That would be denial. Read the rest of this entry »

Am I depressed? Of course I am! Who would not be if you are in my situation? I’ll be lying if I say I’m not depressed! From the day I took my first breath, I’ve been able to communicate with my voice, whether it is by crying, screaming, whining, shouting, singing, talking, whispering or just whistling. Now all these are taken away from me permanently. It’s not like you have a sore throat – where you voice will come back in a few days. This is permanent, unless I do another surgery or use a special speech amplifier. Then again it might not necessary works.

I get depressed when I with a group of people and cannot communicate.
I get depressed when I order my food and have to just point to what I want.
I get depressed when I get choked on my food.
I get depressed when I go to church and see everybody singing except me.
I get depressed when I meet someone and have to just nod my head and walk away – with an impression that I’m snobbish.
I get depressed when I’m invited to dinner and I usually have to excuse myself. And even if I go, I get depressed when I could not join in the conversation – the normal way.
I get depressed when my mobile phone rings and I could not answer. And that same person keeps on calling back again and again, not knowing I cannot answer.
I get depressed when I listen to music while driving and cannot sing along.
I get depressed when I listen to my own songs that I’ve recorded and knowing that it was my voice – and I can never sing my own songs again.
I get depressed when I go to sleep and reality sinks in and hit you – “hey I can never talk ever,” – and often tears will flow out from my eyes. Yes I do shed tears.

But am I into depression? Clinical depression? Am I into a state of intense sadness, melancholia or despair to the point of being disruptive to my social functioning or activities of daily living? No I’m not into that! Not in that sense. I’m just “being disheartened.” I am only depressed in a situation and at that moment only. Life still goes on. I don’t need to take some medication to suppress it. I don’t lie down on my bed and go into a world of my own. I’m not suicidal!

But then I have friend who is closer than a brother. A friend who has been there.  A friend who says “I understand.” A friend who will not forsake me. A friend who walks with me and talks with me. A friend who is there in good times or bad times. A friend who invites me to take his yoke and he will give me rest. A friend who will wipe away my tears. A friend who died for you and me. A friend named Jesus!

There is a reason for these changing seasons, and God only knows how much your heart can bear.  Everybody has their up and down times. For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is plant; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; He has made everything beautiful in its time: also he has set eternity in our heart, yet so that man cannot find out the work that God has done from the beginning even to the end. The important thing is that everybody needs to know how much they’re loved, my friend. It’s not the end.

Checkup - Healthcare vs God’s Care‎   

(click here ) checkup.pps

 Occasionally I would go to the market to get fruits. And two days ago, when I went to get some bananas, the fruit-seller asked me, how was my throat. He thought that I just lost my voice temporary, and told me to take some kind of chinese herbs that can bring back my voice. So I’ve to explain to him - in my own way, that I had cancer of the throat and showed him the scar, and with the action of my hand to tell him I had surgery and my larynx has been removed - and that I cannot speak anymore. Then he said “Oh! I didn’t know, I thought you just lost your voice temporary due to some sickness.” He said that I look much better now and have put on some weight. When he saw me a few months ago, I look so skinny.  Then he said that actually he could understand what I was trying to say by reading my lips.

          That’s quite true in a way.  I realized that if I only speak a word or two, people do or can understand what I’m trying to say - especially when it’s related to the subject or situation. Example: If I go to the fruit-seller and say “pisang raja” - he would be able to understand, as it is related to what he sells. If I don’t try to “speak” more than 2 or 3 words, it is most likely you will be able to catch what I’m trying to say. Of course by now, I have developed certain ways of communicating with people who are familiar with me. And if my message doesn’t get across, then a pen and a piece of paper should do the trick (haha!!!) 

It has been more than 5 months after my surgery. Things are getting better. I’m now back on normal diet - just that I try to abstain from meat. But still sometimes I have difficulty swallowing certain kind of food - especially if they are fibrous or too chunky. Anyway, I have learned how to slowly chew my food, and even when it gets stuck - I’ve found a way to slowly swallow it in. - haha!!! And the good news is that I can manage spicy food again. After the radiation from my radiotherapy last year, I could hardly eat any spicy food at all, it will really burn my mouth - not even food with pepper in it.  And now I can once again enjoy curry and sambal.  My food palate is much much better compared with the time after my radiation treatment and even before my surgery in the beginning of this year. In fact its back to normal - except for the swallowing part.

I still do cough out mucus but not that much now and have also learned how to control it.  Found a way to flush out the mucus - I would wash the edge around the stomo with cotton wool soaked with saline and at the same time while cleaning it, I let the saline drib into the stoma. And in a little while I would start coughing out the mucus and cleared the air passage. (When I say I cough, it means I cough out from the stoma - the hole in my neck, not from my mouth!) My breathing now is back to normal, except that I’m breathing through my stoma.

God will make all things beautiful again in His time. God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future. I know the best thing we can do is to always enjoy life. If you have faith in God, you already have eternal life and a life to it’s fullest. Trust the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight all your paths.