Am I Depressed? Of Course!
Am I depressed? Of course I am! Who would not be if you are in my situation? I’ll be lying if I say I’m not depressed! From the day I took my first breath, I’ve been able to communicate with my voice, whether it is by crying, screaming, whining, shouting, singing, talking, whispering or just whistling. Now all these are taken away from me permanently. It’s not like you have a sore throat – where you voice will come back in a few days. This is permanent, unless I do another surgery or use a special speech amplifier. Then again it might not necessary works.
I get depressed when I with a group of people and cannot communicate.
I get depressed when I order my food and have to just point to what I want.
I get depressed when I get choked on my food.
I get depressed when I go to church and see everybody singing except me.
I get depressed when I meet someone and have to just nod my head and walk away – with an impression that I’m snobbish.
I get depressed when I’m invited to dinner and I usually have to excuse myself. And even if I go, I get depressed when I could not join in the conversation – the normal way.
I get depressed when my mobile phone rings and I could not answer. And that same person keeps on calling back again and again, not knowing I cannot answer.
I get depressed when I listen to music while driving and cannot sing along.
I get depressed when I listen to my own songs that I’ve recorded and knowing that it was my voice – and I can never sing my own songs again.
I get depressed when I go to sleep and reality sinks in and hit you – “hey I can never talk ever,” – and often tears will flow out from my eyes. Yes I do shed tears.
But am I into depression? Clinical depression? Am I into a state of intense sadness, melancholia or despair to the point of being disruptive to my social functioning or activities of daily living? No I’m not into that! Not in that sense. I’m just “being disheartened.” I am only depressed in a situation and at that moment only. Life still goes on. I don’t need to take some medication to suppress it. I don’t lie down on my bed and go into a world of my own. I’m not suicidal!
But then I have friend who is closer than a brother. A friend who has been there. A friend who says “I understand.” A friend who will not forsake me. A friend who walks with me and talks with me. A friend who is there in good times or bad times. A friend who invites me to take his yoke and he will give me rest. A friend who will wipe away my tears. A friend who died for you and me. A friend named Jesus!
There is a reason for these changing seasons, and God only knows how much your heart can bear. Everybody has their up and down times. For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is plant; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; He has made everything beautiful in its time: also he has set eternity in our heart, yet so that man cannot find out the work that God has done from the beginning even to the end. The important thing is that everybody needs to know how much they’re loved, my friend. It’s not the end.
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August 15th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Uncle Daniel,
I agree with You. Everyone will be depressed if they are in a similar situation.
But You have shown that You are different, Because You have Jesus in You!
When you have your voice, you shine. But when you don’t, you shine even brighter!!
You shine with your inner voice!
All things work out for Good for those who loves God, those who are called according to His purpose. You rock!
September 5th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Dearest Uncle Daniel,
God knows what you are going through and He is always there for you.and He knows the needs in you and He surely will provide in His way….I thank God that God allows us to have access to Him directly. No voice-mail boxes, and no “call waiting” interruptions. Thankfully, “Call to Me, and I will answer you” (Jer. 33:3) has not been replaced by, “All lines are now busy. Please stay on the line.”
Hang in there,brother! You have us, your dear buddy!We love you so much and we are always encouraged by your faith and your commitment to the Lord!Thank you for setting a great example for us. You are God\’s angel!!!
September 5th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Thanks for the kind words. It’s so good to have friends like you and Loon. You guys have been a great support to me. Thanks.